vortex of emo

Since August I’ve been in maybe the biggest, stupidest vortex of emo in my life.

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I only kind of feel like I’m starting to come out of it now, too. So, needless to say, finding the energy (or motivation) to do anything has been hard, neigh impossible. In a way lately I have kind of felt like a dolphin climbing a mountain.

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I’m starting to feel a little better, though. Which is awesome! But at the same time, I have recently been told on two different occasions that my Japanese has turned to shit.

One was a friend who recently left to roam Australia for a few years.

kugishisays

 

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The other was a friend from Halloween last year who I haven’t seen in a long time.

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Which is insane, since I use it all the time, especially have over the past few months. But I’m wondering if it doesn’t have something to do with the vortex of emo.

When I’m in there I feel super self-conscious of myself at all times. I feel like people I meet for the first time don’t like me and it’s my job to persuade them otherwise. But about halfway into it I decide I’m not worth liking and sort of give up.

I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s what it feels like.

 

6 months ago

myjapanese1

last friday

 

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It’s soooo frustrating. But I think I kind of see a similar trend in my eikaiwa students, too. The ones who seem more confident can speak so much more clearly, take their time communicating more complex ideas, and get better and better. And the ones who quiver and shake in the corner just kind of stay at the same level forever burbling word salad.

So it may sound stupid, but I’ve started reading all those lulzy inspirational sites about how to improve your self confidence and state of mind.

You’re your own worst critic, and all that jazz.

Wish me luck? If you have any advice, I’d appreciate that, too. :/

By the way, Matsuda Seiko is an angel. I listen to this song almost every day, lol.

Matsuda Seiko – Akai Sweet Pea

 

story time

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Hello again.

It feels like summer doesn’t it? For ALT’s, we usually work first term through the middle of July before we’re out for summer, but lately everyday I just wanna call out and pack my bag for the beach. Going to Thailand recently didn’t help that impulse at all, either.

Sadly I have no summer plans yet, though. WHAT DO. :! All I know is I want to go to the beach lots! Any Tokyo friends down to beach party?

Another delicious burden of the beginning of summer/slow wind down of first term in Japanese schools is all of the wonderful sub assignments. Schools always have conflicts with exam days and such around this time, so I end up running all over Tokyo to cameo in random classrooms with people I don’t know. Fun and not stressful at all! 😀 /kill me

Last week was like this. All subs and a run to immigration to renew my visa.

On the way to one of the sub schools, though, I came across this gem.

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This is a school uniform company with, I believe, it’s own P.R. characters, dressed in adorable uniforms of course. Japanese P.R. has the character thing down. My question about this, though, is WHO are they trying to appeal to? If I was a 50 year old math teacher/uniform committee chair with a shit ton of tests to grade and a basketball team to coach and was just essentially just dying to run off to Shiga prefecture on my next free weekend to go black bass fishing with Kimura Takuya why the hell would these characters appeal to me? I don’t know. I don’t understand.

Just thought it was interesting. Kind of like the Sanrio boys from a couple of months ago. Fucking adorable.

Anyway, the real purpose of this post, other than to ramble, is to point out something lulzy I made. I posted it on my Youtube and Facebook last Tuesday, but I thought I should post it here too.

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Story Time!

So essentially I get bored a lot at work. But due to the nature of my job, I can’t just whip out a sketchbook or laptop (at least not in my schools) and get down to my own business. So sometimes I write short stories or opinions pieces in my notebook. Lately, since I’ve been feeling stifled by my own mind for a creative outlet, I thought maybe I would try doing something with them. So I made this.

Mind you my editing skills are rudimentary at best, and I just filmed this on my mac’s camera. But I kinda liked it, and I hope you could enjoy at least a momentary diversion from your daily routine and some food for thought.

Making another one tonight, because I’m strange.

Have a beautiful day. ♡

♫ Rolling Stones – Wild Horses
# Spot the SAT word lol