hello, again, again.

Hey, long time no chat. This year. Ugh. On one hand I can’t believe it’s April, but on the other, I’m surprised it’s not yet June?

Since this year has begun, I’ve… started and stopped studying for the JLPT, started working on Design Festa prep for May, been to Kyoto for my best friend’s wedding, had a wild birthday party, been to Disney twice, Kusatsu hot spring, and actually… This week I should’ve been in Korea, but our travel company collapsed and took our tickets and reservations with it. So I had to make do with wandering Shin-Okubo on Wednesday and a horrible two day hangover. Woo!

I guess the point is, I’ve really been wanting to update here. I take all the pictures, and have all the ideas, but then I have so much to say I don’t even know where to begin. :/

Today I got out my old external hard drive though, and found sooooo many old pictures of yore, and when I found this, my heart felt so full.

HFoRWUut-Woj

Forgive the shit quality. So this is how I used to decorate all my agendas and planners in high school/university, back when I was obsessed with all things visual kei and Harajuku.  And this one was so cute! I guess it probably got tossed out ages ago, but I’m so happy to have found this photo. I actually found it in a photo folder of a bunch of things from my closet in the old poupee girl website. Ah, memories.

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vortex of emo

Since August I’ve been in maybe the biggest, stupidest vortex of emo in my life.

negaverse

I only kind of feel like I’m starting to come out of it now, too. So, needless to say, finding the energy (or motivation) to do anything has been hard, neigh impossible. In a way lately I have kind of felt like a dolphin climbing a mountain.

dolphinmountain

I’m starting to feel a little better, though. Which is awesome! But at the same time, I have recently been told on two different occasions that my Japanese has turned to shit.

One was a friend who recently left to roam Australia for a few years.

kugishisays

 

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kugishisays2

The other was a friend from Halloween last year who I haven’t seen in a long time.

harrypsays

harrypsays1

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Which is insane, since I use it all the time, especially have over the past few months. But I’m wondering if it doesn’t have something to do with the vortex of emo.

When I’m in there I feel super self-conscious of myself at all times. I feel like people I meet for the first time don’t like me and it’s my job to persuade them otherwise. But about halfway into it I decide I’m not worth liking and sort of give up.

I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s what it feels like.

 

6 months ago

myjapanese1

last friday

 

myjapanese2

It’s soooo frustrating. But I think I kind of see a similar trend in my eikaiwa students, too. The ones who seem more confident can speak so much more clearly, take their time communicating more complex ideas, and get better and better. And the ones who quiver and shake in the corner just kind of stay at the same level forever burbling word salad.

So it may sound stupid, but I’ve started reading all those lulzy inspirational sites about how to improve your self confidence and state of mind.

You’re your own worst critic, and all that jazz.

Wish me luck? If you have any advice, I’d appreciate that, too. :/

By the way, Matsuda Seiko is an angel. I listen to this song almost every day, lol.

Matsuda Seiko – Akai Sweet Pea