vortex of emo

Since August I’ve been in maybe the biggest, stupidest vortex of emo in my life.

negaverse

I only kind of feel like I’m starting to come out of it now, too. So, needless to say, finding the energy (or motivation) to do anything has been hard, neigh impossible. In a way lately I have kind of felt like a dolphin climbing a mountain.

dolphinmountain

I’m starting to feel a little better, though. Which is awesome! But at the same time, I have recently been told on two different occasions that my Japanese has turned to shit.

One was a friend who recently left to roam Australia for a few years.

kugishisays

 

kugishisays1

kugishisays2

The other was a friend from Halloween last year who I haven’t seen in a long time.

harrypsays

harrypsays1

harrypsays2

Which is insane, since I use it all the time, especially have over the past few months. But I’m wondering if it doesn’t have something to do with the vortex of emo.

When I’m in there I feel super self-conscious of myself at all times. I feel like people I meet for the first time don’t like me and it’s my job to persuade them otherwise. But about halfway into it I decide I’m not worth liking and sort of give up.

I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s what it feels like.

 

6 months ago

myjapanese1

last friday

 

myjapanese2

It’s soooo frustrating. But I think I kind of see a similar trend in my eikaiwa students, too. The ones who seem more confident can speak so much more clearly, take their time communicating more complex ideas, and get better and better. And the ones who quiver and shake in the corner just kind of stay at the same level forever burbling word salad.

So it may sound stupid, but I’ve started reading all those lulzy inspirational sites about how to improve your self confidence and state of mind.

You’re your own worst critic, and all that jazz.

Wish me luck? If you have any advice, I’d appreciate that, too. :/

By the way, Matsuda Seiko is an angel. I listen to this song almost every day, lol.

Matsuda Seiko – Akai Sweet Pea

 

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mydeardish

I'm an artist/antagonist/ambivalent idealist living in Tokyo. I like music, people, and big ideas.

4 thoughts on “vortex of emo”

  1. If it makes you feel a bit better – it’s the same for me. I’m stuck with my 16-year old Shinagawa Japanese forever. But recently I’m more afraid of losing my ability “to English” and German as well. And I still try to sort out, which language is most important for me. If I have figured it out, I will let you know.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Niemand braucht German. And I think you have no chance to work on your Japanese, since you don’t need it at your work, right? So don’t blame yourself.

        Like

      2. Aber ich will es nicht vergessen ;__; The weird thing is that I actually do use my Japanese a lot. I speak to the other teachers in Japanese and my Japanese friends. But yea…

        Like

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